smoked

my temper took over me again...oops.

no work tomorrow 'coz its parañaque day and that means i won't be late for american idol.

and i'm in yufielvi on friday for the up fair...a time to meet some old college friends, orgmates and other alumni. i wanna scream my heart out!

...am i in a hurry?

bent

i'm not sure if sharing something that happened to me over the past 14 months would make people think that i'm stupid or something else. someone that's going nowhere and blah blah.

it's tiring to know that some people are always great to pull other people down...and pull down some vigor, trying to get you out from the utopia or the worst thing is to slap you with words that would make you even more confused until its drowns you into a high level of uncertainty.

i always gamble. in fact i am sometimes impulsive when it comes to decision making. i also expect a lot and it just makes me frustrated. i'm trying to correct a lot of things, making me as my self's greatest villain.

i definitely need to bring myself somewhere... soon.

------------------

i had the result of my pre-employment medical exam last thursday and i was classified as an obese class A. i'm not an uberbigboy but i'm 22 pounds more than the should-be weight of a boy 5'7 in height. i'm sure this was the result of the holidays and my unrelenting desire to eat whatever i want. being stuck in a former workplace in which you can't find the best or a least a good person to talk to is also depressing. i preferred to eat rather than waste my energy to them for a conversation that is going nowhere.

i need to get some apples before i find myself in a 36+ inches pants.

this + sign means everything

some things that happened today...

1. i was able to come to work today 37 minutes earlier than the usual on time attendance. 7:53: i set my new punctuality record.

2. i've found out that my hsbc credit card application was declined and i was advised that i can re-apply after 6 months. poor boy...i've already listed all the things that i can swipepurchase once that card is granted.

3. i officially made an announcement to most of my officemates that i'll be leaving on january31 for a better opportunity. there's a feeling of sadness that i won't be seeing my office friends on a 5-day-in-a-week basis but i'll be just transferring to a company that is two pedestrian lanes away from the current. i can still see them after office hours.

4. on my way home, my former teammate and i (from caall center) happened to be in the same bus. i didn't see her for over 6 months now and it's just a great feeling to see a person again who've been so nice and thoughtful to me when we were still working together.

5. and i was overwhelmed with the great things that happened in the last 6 days. whether it may be good or bad but i still learned to appreciate everything. i took some risk and it became a way for me to know what i really feel and how am i going to let it pass. it sounds weird, awkward and crazy and i don't know. i know things happen for a reason...good or bad but things always happen with a purpose.
-

stationary

pagkatapos ng dalawang araw na hindi pagpasok dahil nagkasakit ako, ngayon ko lang napahalagahan ang kinikita kong pera. naubos agad ang sinuweldo ko dahil sa ospital, check-up, gamot atbp.

salamat na din sa mga kaganapang ito dahi natapos na ang "emotional turmoil" na nararanasan ko - sa mas mababaw na salita...depresyon.

salamat kay paolo coelho na pakalat-kalat sa bahay. napagkamalan ko pa tuloy na self-help ang libro nya. ang labo, e di naman self-help yun.

bukas papasok na ako. at least medyo mas positibo na ako sa buhay ngayon. medyo hindi maganda ang pasok ng taon sa akin pero hindi naman siguro ito nangagahulugang pangit na ang buong taon para sa akin. ibabaon ko na ang nga hindi magandang nangyari sa mga nakaraang araw mamaya bago ako matulog. ang umasa ay hindi kapareho ng may pag-asa. pero may pag-asa.

eto na ang opisyal na pagbati ko sa inyo ng Happy New Year!

--sa lahat ng mga kaibigan kong nagtatrabaho, sana maging mas maganda ang taon na ito para sa trabaho nyo.

--sa ibang kaibigan ko na nawalan ng trabaho, naghahanap o nag-iisip pa lang ng gustong maging trabaho, makakahanap kayo ng para sa inyo.

--sa mga nawawalan ng pag-asa sa buhay, nalulungkot dahil parang walang pinatutunguhan ang ginagawa, konting pasensya lang at positibong pagharap sa buhay...isang araw ngingiti ka na lang at sasabihin mong masarap palang anihin ang pinaghirapan.

salamat sa lahat.

Happy New Year, medyo late nga lang na pagbati pero ngayon ko pa lang kasi sisimulan ang taon na kasama ang positibong disposiyon sa buhay.

if you thought you're great...think again

my problem is not just about being awkward but about looking at the bigger scope of whatever plans i am doing right now. it's not about loving pessimism or welcoming frustrations but trying to shape the future ahead of me...and we can't trust all the people around us. welcome 2008...can you love me?

rewind

"ang buhay ay parang random playlist sa pc. hindi perfect ang pagkakarandom nya kaya may ibang kantang nauulit lagi at iba na never natutugtug kahit meron ka. tapos pag ayaw mo ung kanta pwede kang magspecify ng gusto mo, or magskip, pero because of what you did, macchange yung future mo. it's still random, but it's different from what might have been if you didn't change the currently playing song." (copied without permission from dragontooth.tabulas.com)

---she's right... ganyan nagcoconspire ang buhay at mga araw-araw na pangyayari sa ating kapaligiran.

7 days na lang before christmas. happy holidays everyone!

erase/retype

public transportations make me feel that i'm doing a lot of things for nothing. i've been into a cycle of conspicuous dissatisfaction or frustration (to put it in a politically correct manner) with a lot of things, events, people and places. i really don't know what would (would -- to place in a less realistic mode) make me rest from thinking about these.

last week i tried to hate hate. and i'm trying to be good. i am looking into valuing everything around me... and everything's vague -- i know right?

i've been trying to squeeze what i really want and where i'm good at. looking into possibly accepting a new opportunity. whenever the bus stops to pasong tamo or my friend's car stops at pasay road, everything's just exhibiting complexities and complications.

i guess i'm lost. the last time i used my head seriously was the day i had my thesis presentation. an officemate while we were on our lunch break asked me the difference between sociology and anthropology. i thought the easiest way to answer the question is to say that sociology deals with modern societies whereas anthropology's concern is primitive societies.

i don't know...i just discovered that thinking and complaining are the best forms of escape.