Thursday, November 29, 2007

mutiny is not similar to mutilation

another familiar rainy-floody-thursday which prevented me to come to work again to make money. seems i am only working 4x a week for the past 3 weeks which is disturbing my workmates.

last night, i fetched ms. m, a friend for over 4 years in her office somewhere in salcedo village, makati. we saw each other last july after i decided to find a new job. and fuck those rich businesspeople who are constantly searching for ways on how to improve their products and services to beat their competitors. or simply to amplify themselves. messy life ain't it?

sabi ko nga kay ms. m, parang tuwing balak kong lumipat ng trabaho, nagkikita kami. pero alam ko coincidence lang naman.haha and ms. m is like a career consultancy firm kasi she listens and she gives advise on what to do with a confused mind on current employment. with all the work stressors i've encountered for the past 3 weeks, for the million peso revenue that we've been working out, and for the almost-impossible-but-we-should-do-it-agreements-in-a-week for-the-job-tenure, for countless questionable professionalism issues that they have been doing lately, i am doomed.

another familiar story. anyone who can give me sedatives? toink.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


tomorrow's a bit unpredictable. i just promised myself to stay longer, talked to HIM for a thousand times...knelt down for the conversation that i wish didn't last and lighted almost a hundred candles. i don't know why i'm easily affected by stimuli. i don't know why i don't wanna be left behind. i don't know why can't i be focused.

Thursday, November 15, 2007


didn't go to work today for the simplest reason that the rain just wanted to flood our streets. when you got nothing to do but to stare at your t.v. screen for almost the entire day, you'll just realize that everything seems so pointless.

what's making me frustrated and stressed now are the people around me. and everyone is enjoying being inconsiderate. i can still smile at them but i can't fool them not to laugh at myself for being a conformist. working is like living in the jungle. you are surrounded by predators who are consistently trying to extract everything that you have in exchange for their selfish intentions. skills matter...and we want wages so we just stop complaining about what's circulating in the workplace until we become numb.

it's the 15th of the month so my atm has already recovered from a serious drought. and money is the sole reason why i'm working. on my way to the nearest atm machine, the christmas breeze just gave me body freeze. this will be the first christmas that i'm being totally independent. and i don't know if working will bring me somewhere.

Friday, November 9, 2007

peanut thoughts

entourage's season 4 is out in dvd. already got copy from my favorite piracy outlet. yehey! and now i love black market. forget those sociology and economics lectures.

Friday, November 2, 2007

carnival ride

this is probably the week that many people went away and i was unaware until i they gave a confirmation that they are gone.

when people leave, childhood memories just flashback.
i remember when our youngest sister and i were crying because our father is leaving for overseas again. but how could we not possibly let him go when we are bribed with promises that he'll just go somewhere and be back in an hour. or a promise that he'll be back with the newest game console.

leaving or saying goodbye entails hurting feelings.
back in college, whenever it's the last day of a class meeting or after the last leg of a group project/activity/presentation for the semester, i just don't know what to feel. i just miss the semester with those groupmates and classmates and parting ways means you won't be in the same ground again. you'll lose communication and will probably forget the time you spent doing those class activities. the proof of friendship or interaction will just be a link into your friendster page.

in 2006, almost all of my college friends left uplb.
graduate na sila and i have to stay for one more semester to finish the last three units of my thesis and a three-unit major course. medyo mahirap kasi the person you were with for almost every day are gone and won't be visible in the campus again. buti na lang three of my former dormmates decided to work in uplb so we rented an apartment somewhere outside uplb. and then i left them last january to try my luck in makati.

when i go out with friends that i haven't seen for a long time, saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do.
andun kasi yung feeling na it may be the last time that you'll have an interaction. or meeting again will not be easy because your schedules just don't match. you are busy working or you're just busy with something and you'll just don't believe that a friend is just a text away...yeah, they're just a text away but if possible you don't always want an impersonal form of communication.

saying goodbye is semi-forever and semi-temporary. there are some people that you just don't want to see again. or there are people who don't want to see you again - a semi-mutual feeling that you just can't predict that will happen.