upsized

today is somehow productive. i was able to end the workday without feeling bored or sleepy. work is just ok but life in general is happier. i am acting a little weird since yesterday because i smile periodically but this weirdness is not weird.haha

"dying inside to hold you" has been playing in my mind since this morning. maybe it won't end playing until i sleep later.haha

hollywood sweetheart on pencil

reese witherspoon on charcoal pencil. this picture was inspired by the just like heaven pdvd cover. drawn october 2006 while typhoon milenyo was destroying lives and properties in the southern luzon area. shading taught by krt with support from scarereyes.

on being a political animal

yesterday, somebody asked my political ideology and orientation. i was thinking about an answer so i yahooed (coz i didn't use the google search tool engine) the word ideology for a refresher. ideology seems to have a wide meaning and interpretation so i tried to devise my own way on answering it. then i remembered that i wrote a position paper back in 4th year during my posc 14 class(filipino politics) about something like a theoretical discourse on power, politics etc. and to my amazement i chuckled. reading back your college papers is funny and it's pretty obvious that those ideas and ideals are slowly tarnishing. i guess this is another issue of conformity.

after brainstorming, i was able to come up with this political ideology. i know this is hilarious and it sounds like an answer from a beauty pageant (according to krt) but at the very least i hope this makes sense.hahaha

"As a political thinker, I strongly believe that the Philippines thrive in a half-illed democracy. We have choices at some point but it doesn't guarrantee that we can always participate at decision-making. Though democracy is centered on the idea that it is the rule of the many, it is the other way around in the Philippine democracy. It's the rule of the few instead. Those who possess the "name," power and resources are the class that dominates. There's the class that rules and the class being ruled."

and i thank you.haha i hope this so called "ideology" won't ruin my future. so help me God.

static

we always have choices to escape but in spite of these options, we still remain to be trapped and just stay.

i was some kind of hyper-perky yesterday as a result of a major puyatan with an idol; and that puyat was a big help. when you know someone would listen to your frustrations and when times that you also need to listen to other people's stories, you'll realize that there's no reason to hide your fears. you can cry and laugh that will mold you as an authentic human being.

i went to baclaran after work. it's been two months since the last time i went to that place wherein i was present for like twice in a week in six months -- for a release. i missed the church's dim lights, people crying for their petitions which is making me a bit sad and fulfilled.

i wanted to close the night crying but i just can't do it. maybe i should try acting lessons, workshop on releasing pail of tears etc. i don't know if my loneliness is self inflicted. now i'm wondering maybe happiness' sequel is loneliness on a higher amplitude.

bday blogging

state of happiness means lack of words to say. i may be tired from the 12-hour travel yesterday. i wish myself a happy birthday and thanks to all the friends who've extended their greetings through text and phone calls. i don't know know what to write now.

22 winks

'coz I can’t be that transparent now that’s why. It may be liberating for you and I’m fine with it. I wish I could recover from these lungkot days. I’ll be home (the real home in cagayan) on Thursday to Sunday for a meeting. And the rest of the story will follow. Apparently, my birthday month became a travel month. From Mindoro to Manila to Baguio to Manila to Tuguegarao and back to Manila on the 31st.

halt

march has officially started last weekend. this is my birthday month and i'll be turning 22 twenty four days when we count from this day.

i was on a short rest since monday and work will resume next week. it's been 6th months since the last time last time i was on vacation. i'm going to have a new career (in a new industry) on the 10th. this is supposed to be a better opportunity as i'm gonna feel the convenience of working just around 3 streets away from home and it will take me only about 5 minute-walk to go there. waking up at 7:30 in the morning won't be a problem now. i'm also going to miss riding in a public transpo as my feet means transportation this time. how i missed working in makati and i'm back!

i guess hopping stops for a year or two. i'll do whatever i can 'cause i dont wanna be a record holder.