it pours

rainy days give me luck. the last time i remember it was raining, i received a text message from my current boss that they are gonna take me in their company. today, the rain saved me again. i received a call from a prospect employer asking me to drop by their office tomorrow to take a look on their job offer and get instructions on my pre-employment examination. it was an ecstatic feeling upon learning that i got the job. on top of that, they also agreed to my salary expectation! what a good way to start things anew!

so the beginning starts again, now.

the first half of 2010 has been a crazy ride for me. after around 8 months, i left my "almost-dream-job" of working with one of manila's sought-after photographer and top stylist last february. it was an 8 month filled with great challenges. it was a one-man team but i survived! and i enjoyed its perks like eat buffet in manila's 5 star hotels, meet celebrities and manila's socialites and travel out of town. that job also opened an opportunity for me to fly to boracay for an advertising campaign. it was all "firsts" for me.

february came and new opportunity came in. it was an immersion to the "culture." it was a great experience but then there are certain circumstances that prompted me to leave again. so yes, i'm having a new job, again.

rainy days give me hope. i can feel greater things brewing up.

i-tune

i will live like i'm dying.

know it all

i know You know I badly like it. so please help me get it.

i want to receive the sweetest text message for this week.

thanks. :)

reunion

here i go again...blogging.

i've been stuck up for my life's predictable hysteria. un-moving on, employment dilemma, job search, grad school, wishful thinking and blah-blahs. i had this crazy idea when i tried to stop writing on this space - that bloggers have an empty life that they wanted to fill-in. drafting whatever they can write about themselves and trivial stuff online can make their life go round and round. i may had a bad judgment. seriously, i stopped blogging to conceal my mishaps, dull and crazy daily living and not-worth remembering misadventures. now how do we define emptiness?

today i'm starting to draft my own version of sui generis.

in the next thirty days, i hope to make sort of a difference. not social change though. leave it to our politicians and social advocates. i'll make my life easier. i'll make this blog more hopeful.

on a birthday post

today's my 23rd bday.

nothing's so special except that i'm just one year older. good thing that almost everybody whom i'm expecting to greet me have sent their wish of a happy birthday either thru sms, facebook, multiply and friendster - except for this one person. (or you may have forgotten your promise...now i'm having second thoughts on greeting you on your birthday next week)

btw, i'm still waiting for a call from an employer. i guess this one's a perfect birthday present. to the employer: please read the application form that i filled out so that you can arrive at the best idea on what's on my birthday wishlist. :)

today, i have to stay at home and finish my school requirements. birthday is such a great excuse to be away from work for at least one day. then i'm off to a dinner tonight.

happy birthday to me. thanks to everyone. :)

decode

february had been sort of adjustment on my end. it became a month of trying to stretch almost everything and it also tried to check my flexibility. i've never thought that even a good 8 months of good and hardwork is gonna be overlooked or not even noticed at all. i kept questioning if meritocracy still exist that even the lousiest persons are still offered promotion or even a chance to move up in an organization. and the answer is probably.

i don't know if graduate school has been helping me to get what i want. but wednesday and thursday nights have been very good companions as they gave me an escape to the reality in which i'm trying to disintegrate myself. i have this newly opened consciousness on dealing with trivial things and it sucks big time. at some point, the experiences i have been through in the past seven years of independence is something that i wish should have not rapidly took place. i'm going back to being idealistic. err. nevermind.

green is blue

i decided not to go to work today for a number of reasons:

1) i don't have enough reasons to complain yet i'm complaining.
2) it seems that i've been very ungrateful with the people and things around me.
3) i just can't fully understand how meritocracy works
4) patience is a foreign word to me
5) love hurts and when you're hurting you've loved
6) i'm a little sick
7) i know i'll never love this way so i'll keep holding on... (translation: wait in vain til death)

and other reasons...

feb1 is a lonely day.

and it already started

things may have started rough due to the uncontrollable irresponsibility of our accounting department but the week is gonna end with a smile on my face.

what a way to start this blog entry and to start 2009.

oh well, i took a day off from work last monday to attend to my graduate school enrollment and orientation. a bit excited that i am, i went to the nearest atm to check the salary that we are supposed to have on that day...and also to prepare on the fees that i should pay. guess what happened next? the only money available on that account was the Php2000 i saved from the holidays.

i rushed to a payphone then called a friend at work to check whether that particular wage is already credited to our accounts. she immediately called our accounting office to ask then i had that ultimate frustrated feeling that she was advised that it's gonna be availabe on wednesday. are we supposed to suffer from that long vacation and are they responsible enough not to think that we have have bills to settle?! its worst than having entered three wrong pins at the same time and had your card captured in the atm machine.

good thing that there are friends who are willing to lend their atm cards and that saved me from a possible late enrollment that will entail extra fees and extra day away from work. it also reconstructed my ruined day at least. thanks k. :)

so i tried not to devote hate to our accouting department. it's not gonna give me extra salary naman. :)

---

last wednesday was my first day at school as a graduate student. i can say that grad school is way far cuter than college. the discussions are more interesting, classmates are more interesting too.
this time i should take schooling seriously. i can now feel the pain of paying my own tuition fee even with a 50% slash on it. the requirements are also tedious as having like 3 undergraduate courses' requirements only for one grad subject. but it's still cute.

i don't regret having sociology for a bachelor's degree but i should have taken marketing electives in college. should have saved one extra term instead.

american idol ramiele malubay's random visit

One random Sunday evening, she dropped by to inquire at The Picture Company MOA. It was a starstruck moment considering that I've been an American Idol viewer since its third season.Haha Nakakatawang experience. Crazy. Sabi ilabas ko daw yung SLR. Nilabas ko naman nanginginig pa.Hahaha

If you're not familiar with her, she's one of last season's AI contestant (with David Archuleta and David Cook as her batchmates). Eliminaed ata sya nung asa top9. :)

stuck on moving on

i had myself believe again in loving or reciprocity like 7 months ago but it was a terrible decision i guess. everybody's like stepping into the bandwagon of having themselves find a new person to share their time with and i am stupid enough to classify my own version of love as an obsession.

this should be written some three months back from now so this entry should be posted last september but i just don't find time to gather everything into a coherent blog entry.

i hate it when somebody's not courageous enough to tell something that he/she'd like to say; whether that word or whatever action could hurt the feelings of that person who's recipient (i cant think of word to use so i used recipient instead) of that rejection or whatever. i hate it when people say that things are better kept unsaid but it should be part of this reality that a person can't improve himself/herself unless he/she is advised on what areas to work on. it can be synonymous or analogous to a person who's on a job search that unless he/she is given an instruction that if he/she haven't receive any call from that employer within a span of one week let's say, then that application is assumed to be unsuccesful.

anybody who's capable of loving is also capable of hurting somebody. anybody who's willing to enter into a relationship should also be opening himself/herself into the possibilities of heartbreak and/or. i am not telling this because i can fall on either any of these two categories but...(things should end up with ifs and buts).

four months have passed but i'm still not courageous enough to move on. i am still this stupid who's expecting a text message for an invite. still expecting for a third time to rework on some things that have not actually ended. wishing that green archer could be flexible enough to be a cupid.

on frames

i had my glasses on when i was third year high school until my 1st sem in college. i didn't stop wearing it because my eye problem was already corrected instead it was broken and i was too shy to tell my mom that i needed a replacement after only 2 months of wearing it. the eye defect or whatever you call it isn't so serious so i thought of not replacing it [until last week].haha anlabo pero my eyesight was better now compared to before.

i love how this new glasses fits to my face. a bit of geeky but not so serious either. so here's how i look with this new glasses and 18 pounds weight loss. i'm only 146 pounds now! seriously!

first

I'm already one year at blogspot but I've only posted around 30 entries. Maybe i was just too happy to write something on this space or i'm just too shy to write what i should have written. Or I'm just innately lazy.

Btw, If I'm gonna write about happy things, then it would just forfeit the purpose of this blog. This is only a tool to release my frustrations and discontentment about life and its purpose. :)

[re]cycle

i've been into a cycle of denying my feelings for the last days. i've been trying to justify that things are happening because i screwed up with words and my actions do not speak for itself. the issues that have been haunting for over a month are still the same old issues that haven't been resolved untiil now. if i'm gonna make a summary of what have i been thinking lately, it will just give me a slap to my face that i haven't completely recovered from frustration brought by extremely expecting for something which is in fact giving me a minute possibility of moving on.

i dont know if this a repeat. this is like giving me a difficult time to process my thoughts. i am having a great time with work and the team i'm working with but i just feel so incomplete and directionless. late night bonding with friends are still not enough. i am still this lonely boy that i was when i decided to create an account here at blogspot. this is not emo though. maybe this is just a release.

blue-colored door

On why I changed URL will just be a part of the past.
I'm opening myself to new possibilities for the month of September. A bit risky but I guess this will be the start of something new. Something blue but not blue-lonely. Blue as a new color perhaps. I hope new doors are gonna open and the number thirteen will still be a lucky number.

photo by: Karla P!
location: San Agustin Museum, Intramuros, Manila
date: 08.08.08

on counting

after the recent break-up with the job that i almost liked - that opportunity in the human resource industry to headhunt a.k.a. snatching the best people in an organization and transferring them for a supposedly better compensation, wider scope of responsibility and advance themselves in another company... i found myself doing the job that i wanted to do but not exactly the way i wanted it to be.

i am doing photography for a living and there have been a lot of changes. it's amusing that i can now sing barney songs, disney songs and i can even make kids laugh. who knows apples and bananas (eypols ind bininis)? i am now groomed into having kids but procreation may not be one of my priority at the moment.

fast forward to two months - i am doing well with the job that i wanted to do (that's how i assess myself so far). but i just can't make myself believe that i'd be doing this forever. maybe and maybe. not that it's about the intensity of the words fickle-minded or ADHD but i just don't know which one to prioritize. i want to do a lot of things and i want to learn more things. I want to take up MBA but it could be deferred until i've gauged the things that i would like to do for a lifetime. photography may still be a passion but... and a lot of buts.

it's better this time that i'm with people who share the same interest in photography. and last night i was able to meet jake verzosa, the photographer! starstuck - i really wanted talk to him personally and my favorite batchmate sooz's friend devised a way to introduce us to him. it's so "sabaw" that i wasn't able to utter substantial words except for "hello idol, you're my sister-in-law's cousin" and he answered back "how is she." i should have told him "i'd like to assist in one of your shoots" but no regrets since that won't be the last time to have an opportunity to talk to him - that's for sure. this is optimism 101!

half and a quarter

over the past three months in the state of half-loneliness, half-happiness and a half of uncertainties...i figured out last night the quarter that's missing. it's the half-bitter and half-sweet taste of alcohol that i used to half-love and half-hate. it's been a while since the last time i spend the night 'til early morning with my former officemates.

at shutter's speed

in every decision that we take, it gives us life-long possibilities on what will happen next. it may take effect tomorrow, the days to come or in years.

when we are trying so hard at some things, we can't avoid not to be pathetically excited or worried for the result. and our indecisiveness would certainly kill us.

i'm adapting the way to be more optimistic but i just can't find the easiest route to feel certainty. if i can turn back time, i'd rather take the same road because that same direction will lead me to the things that i am currently experiencing. i'll feel better that when i come back, i already know my way out.

in low res

oh well.

economics and reincarnation

and i am still trying to devise a way to make my 9-day vacation productive. i already did some catching-up with old friends in the past three days. already walked 3.5 kilometers for a cause which i'm not sure if it is really something that i should be proud of. then i've been walking until yesterday.

i wanted to grow my hair again, after i decided to be bald a month ago, so i decided to have a side haircut last night. i want my hair back!!!

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because i am avoiding the sunlight, i decided to just stay at home today and washed my own clothes instead -- and i missed doing this. maybe i was a labandero in my past life. and maybe i'll have a bright future as a househelper. i'll specialize on gardening, laundry and dishwashing. if i am a househelper, would i still think about resigning? would i also shift interest like venture into mopping or babysitting? the future is so uncertain for me to be worried. i am now dwelling into the ifs of my decisions.

27th on the 30th

if seven (7) is indeed a lucky number, then I will be a one lucky guy on my next step. this time it's closer.